How Voldemort Spends His Downtime

You’d think being He Who Must Not Be Named would be a tough gig, right?

Well, turns out being the Dark Lord is actually quite an easy gig with a helluva lot of down time!

Not only is it enough that You Know Who has his own loyal followers, power reserves that would make a WoW geek sweat with envy, and free reign to use the dreaded unforgivable curses…  but also, at the end of every novel, Harry simply heads home for holidays, leaving the magic world and, it would seem, all his Voldie-related problems behind until he returns for the next semesters’ classes…

Which begs the question… What does Voldemort (gasp!) get up to during all this down time?

Cycling.

Birdwatching.

Driving.

Christmas shopping.

Reading to young children.

Singing backup for Rose Tattoo.

Fun Fact: “I am Lord Voldermort” is the phrase you get when you re-arrange the letters from the lyrics to Lady Gaga’s “Lovegames”.

Chewie Does Schoolies

gday all

Me names Kev, but me mates call me Chewie..

i used to go to wangaratta secondary college, like, in wangaratta, until i was booted out just before exams for setting fire to a wheelie bin, but now me and me mates are headed to the gold coast for SCHOOLIES WEEK!!!1!

So, like in the intrests of public knowlege and all that shit like, im writing this article about schoolies, cos like heaps of cunts go there after school finishes and that?

My girlfriend didnt want me to go cos like she thought id root other chicks and that, so i dumped her arse cos she was right CHEWIES GOIN TO ROOT CHICKS.!!

i was like ‘fucken yehhhhhhhh!!!!!!! schoolies man i’m gunna get some puss-ay!’ and she just like went back to smokin her billy and so i threw her bag out the window LOL!!!

so im not a very good writer or whatever fucken, so i just got a bunch of pictures of schoolies and im pritty much just goin to write shit about them and try not to piss any fucken faggets off and that..

SCHOOOLLIESS!!

all in all schOOLIES WAS FUCKEN AWESOME. I DRANK LIKE 100 LITERS OF BEERS AND MET SOME TOP BLOKES. sO FOR ALL THE WANKERS SAYING SCHOOLIES IS DANGEROUS FUCKEN GET CLUE MATE, I WENT TO SCHOOLIES I ONLY GOT 1 CONCUSHION AND 14 STITCHES! tOO EASY!!

hooroo,

CHEWIE

Get in the Hovercraft…