Money is like a hideously deformed albino dwarf.
I don’t like thinking about it, but I feel at ease knowing it’s hidden in a sock under my bed for when I need it.
I don’t like discussing my financial situation in front of friends. It’s a personal subject and talking about my own money makes me feel slightly uneasy, which is why I instead insist on flagrantly displaying wads of it in front of their faces, and sometimes lighting cigars with it, thereby avoiding the need to talk about it directly.
Unlike a growing number of people around the world, I have a relatively steady job. (And no, as popular as this blog is, it’s not as a professional blogger! *Chuckles to self while puffing from corncob pipe.*
I often wonder to myself what lengths I would go to for money, offering myself likely hypotheticals such as…
- Would I eat piece of dog shit for a million dollars?
- Would I chop my own arm off for 100 million dollars?
- Would I give my dad a blow job and eat my own shit for a billion dollars?
Most of the time I find myself completely disregarding the money and flat out rejecting the absurd scenarios playing out in my mind (although a billion dollars is a lot of money… hmm) .
Besides, I quickly lose interest because I can not understand why someone would want to pay me so much to do such hideous things…
Don’t get me wrong, I love to buy stuff. I’m completely materialistic and just enjoy having things. It’s fantastic. But I go by the old addage, “work to live, don’t live to work”, which, in a lot of ways is similar to my previous motto, “DOLLA DOLLA BILLZ YO”.
This may be the reason I enjoy watching VH1’s I Love Money so damn much.
The contestants are straight up vile people. They’re stupid. They’re obnoxious. They have ridiculous names like ‘Real’, ‘Toastee’, and ‘Midget Mac’.
But therein lies the appeal. I could watch Whiteboy abuse Mr Boston for hours and still be completely besotted by the whole thing. It’s pure entertainment. I never miss it. In fact I wanna watch it right now!
I can’t stand most reality television shows.
But I Love Money is just so. fucking. trashy.
We get to witness heinous people who in every day life we would probably hate with a passion, embarrass themselves week after week in the name of $200,000. It’s genius.
One of the best aspects of the whole show is the host, CJ, who clearly harbours a burning resentment for each and every one of the contestants, but hides it behind a cool, calm, distinctly urban veneer.
So watch I Love Money.
And if you live somehwhere where the first series is already over, be sure to check out VH1’s next trashy offering… RuPaul Drag Race 2! Should be a hoot!
This is Modern 