LIFE FOR SALE!!!
Hi, my name’s Darth!
Due to various lifestyle changes I am experiencing lately, I’ve decided to sell all [that’s right, ALL!] my Hothly possessions here on eBay!
This is an amazing offer, and one that should be considered very seriously!
This sale includes:
- Material Possessions
I know, I know… I bet you think I’m crazier than a Kowakian monkey-lizard on crack [LOLZ], but hear me out!
First, the back story…
I’m pretty much a widely-feared, cybernetic Dark Lord of the Sith, with no mercy.
I collaborate with the evil Emperor who controls the entire universe, and as such, I lived in this super-sick Battlestation for a while.
Life was pretty good, until my place was attacked by a rebel alliance hell-bent on destroying the Empire, and re-instating a galactic republic [aint that always the way?].
My home was completely destroyed, but for the past few years I’ve been creating a bigger and even more super-dangerous home. It’s taking forever to build, and just looking at the place being unfinished for so long is kinda getting me down.
Anyways, that, combined with the fact that my bitch wife left me and took the kids, is the basic reason why I’m selling everything and not looking back!
After selling everything I plan to walk away with just my wallet and galactic passport and explore the universe! I’m thinking of maybe starting with a Contiki tour around the outer-rim… I hear those things are sex-fests!
So what am I selling?
Well let’s begin with the the obvs…
My Battlestation is pretty much the most valuable part of the whole deal.
Still under construction, and at a planned 900 kilometres wide, this baby is pretty much going to be the most prime piece of real-estate in the galaxy.
Dubbed the Death Star [you may have heard of it?], it’s spacious and comfortable, and over time I’m sure you’ll find it gets to be less of a weapon of unimaginable destruction, and more of a home.
Also, I will be paying for the construction of the rest of this Death Star, so the winning bidder wont have to worry about that. [I kinda have powers of the force, and use them to tell the construction company I’ve paid them, even when I haven’t! Keep that shit on the down-low tho, LOL!]
Some features of the Death Star include:
- 145,000 single living quarters
- 86,780 toilets
- 3-Fleet garage
- 1 Master bedroom with walk-in robe and ensuite
- 1 Superlaser with ability to pretty much turn any planet into Bantha-fodder.
- Emperor’s Throne Room [does not come with Emperor 🙂 ]
- Meditation Chamber
- Pool room
- Ducted heating
As well as the Death Star, the winning bidder will receive all my material belongings contained within.
Just some of the things I own, and you will receive include:
- 4 rad Lightsabers [One of which doesn’t really work, but still looks pretty ace.]
- A Playstation 3, as well as 8 original titles
- A fondue set
- Brand new three-piece lounge suite
- My whole CD [Burt Baccarat, Creedence] and DVD [Shawshank, Creedence Live 1970] collection
- All my clothes [Mostly black cybernetic armor-suits, and a pair of transparent platform shoes]
- Various S&M paraphernalia
- A Dell desktop PC with Norton Antivirus and Linksys router
- Foxtel IQ
- A random collection of protocol droids with homosexual tendencies
- A crew of 300,000 men
- Fender Squire electric guitar [I took lessons but I’m not very good LOL]
I also have various vehicles. As well as the fleet of destroyers, battleships, fighters, walkers, speeders etc that are included, you also receive my personal TIE Advanced Fighter. It includes modifications such as new speaker set and sub woofer, as well as sick blue LEDs under the headlights… so pimp.
You’ll also get my bicycle.
As well as all my possessions, the winning bidder will receive my job.
Obviously as a Dark Lord of the Sith, I can not offer you my day job, as there are very strict prerequisites to abide by, and I’m pretty much the only person in the universe who fulfills all of them.
However, on top of my sinister day job, I also work in the sound and vision department at the Death Star Kmart 3 nights a week, and if need be, I can talk to my manager, Chris, and organise casual employment there for the winning bidder.
On second-thoughts I’ll just use Sith mind-tricks.
Well, that pretty much sums it up.
I will be starting the bidding at 1 galactic credit, but am hoping for a winning bid of around 500,000,000,000,000 galactic credits.
As I said, this is an insanely sweet deal, and you’d have to be a smelly Ewok not to look into it!
For further info go to http://www.darthslife4sale.com