Monthly Archives: July 2008

Experimental Jazz and Death Metal… More Alike Than Once Thought?

I’ve come to the conclusion that Experimental Jazz and Death Metal music are pretty much the same thing. Well, obviously one is louder, faster, more aggressive, and contains more references to slashing and maiming than the other, but the general idea behind both forms of music are generally pretty similar.

For example…

  • Both types of music are dismissed as irritating background noise from an uninitiated listener, until, on further examination, they realise it’s actually just irritating music.
  • Experimental Jazz and Death Metal are both completely devoid of vocal harmonies. In the case that vocals are needed, they are achieved a few ways. From the making of random low-pitched noises (sultry “Yeh’s” or brooding growls), to horrifyingly loud, completely annoying noises (shouty “YEH’s” or over-the-top RRRRAAWWWHGHGHHHHH!!!!’s)
  • When someone doesn’t “get” their favoured music, an Experimental Jazz/Death Metal fan will always defend it by saying “you just don’t know how to listen to it”, or “it’s above your head”.
  • Both forms of music are played, and listened to, purely for the self-satisfaction devotees receive when they mention a band or artist they like, and the person they’re conversing with doesn’t have a clue what they’re talking about.
  • Both genres are awful.

Look at the picture on the bottom…
I mean, shave the blonde dude’s head, give the asian guy a spiky leather jumpsuit and make the chick an evil-looking, bearded Nordic man, and you practically have a death metal band here!

What would they be called?

Jazz Faeces perhaps?

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Stuff White People Like…

Going to the website Stuff White People Like and being offended by the content of said website and leaving narky messages about how the website is racist and not thinking that you should just take some things with a grain of salt and sometimes it’s okay not to decipher every aspect of the internet and I cant believe one of the categories is “Irony” yet most of the commenters on the site don’t seem to comprehend the concept at all and oh my God get a sense of humor, fucktards.

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New Sites On The Block

Hi, I have a new website, if you’d care to take a look and tell all your friends about it, so you can say “Hey, remember how we were among the first people to visit Mediocrity Strikes!, the world’s most awesomest website? We’re uber-trendy!”

http://www.mediocritystrikes.wordpress.com

If you have any examples of mediocrity [whatever you believe that to mean] be sure to send them through to me at mediocritystrikes@gmail.com!

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Old People News (By My Grandfather)

We’re nothing if not sell-outs here at This Is Modern, so in the interests of grappling for the approval of every last demographic on the web, I have enlisted the help of my Grandpa (Gramps) to write a post catering to the people of a certain age of our society, who may feel that they aren’t getting the news they want to hear at more mainstream news outlets.

So the following is a post [that took eight hours to type] by my Gramps…

Dear listeners.

It’s been a big week in old people’s news, so let’s get down the the nitty-gritty…

Those bloody teenagers are still up to no good.
I read in a study in Readers Digest that only 45% of teenagers respect their elders these days, compared to 100% of everyone in the world back in our days.
That’s a decrease of 55% in respect for elders in that time period alone.

This graph I created on a computer programme called “Paint” illustrates my point quite nicely I think…

The price of orange juice continues to rise as the war in the Middle-East rages on.
Old people consumer groups are expected to protest that the government’s orange juice levy be lowered from 5 cents per pallet of orange juice, to the much more reasonable 4 cents.

There has been a serious breakthrough in Alzheimers Disease research at a university in Italy. I’ll keep you updated.

Bowls legend Jack MacKenzie has passed away.
He was the youngest regional bowls champion of all time when he won the Wangaratta Division 1 Golden Meat-Tray four years ago.

Old Man

He died last week aged ninety-three.

There has been a serious breakthrough in Alzheimers Disease research at a University in Italy. I’ll keep you updated.

There’s a computer virus doing the rounds that, when opened, will play loud devil’s music and blind you with constantly moving shapes and irritating lights and colours.
It looks something like this…

Media Player

The weather for next week:

Monday – Cold.
Tuesday – Cold.
Wednesday – A bit warmer, watch out for brown people and greedy Chinamen.
Thursday – Fine again, but those bloody Peterson kids might be out on their skate-planky-wotsits.
Friday – Overcast. Everyone’s rushing to get home for the weekend, so drive down the middle of the road extra slowly to avoid accidents. Possibly with one blinker flashing.
Saturday – Clear, too many young people out. Stay inside.
Sunday – Foggy. Perfect “go for an early stroll down to the shops and get lost in a Kmart” weather.

Shopping

There has been a serious breakthrough in Alzheimers Disease research at a University in Italy… more on that next time.

That’s Old People News for now, thank you for tuning in.

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