If I Were a Girl

Beyonce’s song “If I Were a Boy” is getting a lot of airplay lately.
It’s a piece of shit moving song, full of heartfelt sentiment and other things I don’t care about.

But what would it be like if the table was turned on the other foot, so to speak?
Don’t think we guys haven’t thought about what it would be like to be a girl…

If I Were a Girl
(Lyrics by James © 2008)

If I were a girl
Even for just one day
I’d roll out of bed in the morning
And look at myself naked for a while
Then get in the shower
And lather up my body
I’d strike sexy poses
And do various inappropriate things
Before I’ve even left the house

If I were a girl
I think I’d wear little clothing
And hit on other girls
As I walked down the street
They’d think I was a skank
Cos I’m wearing a g-string
And not too much else at all
As I walk into the lesbian bar
And order a round of beers

If I were a girl
I wouldn’t get over my boobs
I’d give them names
Like Fred and Wilma
And shove them in faces
For free shots of Tequila
Then find random girls to pash
And make a DVD
And sell it for millions of dollars

If I were a girl
I think I could understand
How it feels to be a lesbo
And reject sexing mans
I’d take all my knowledge
Gained from watching porn
Like techniques and positions (positions)
Yeh I got those editions (editions)
But I just read em for the articles

Oh God I was cursed with this penis
It was such a mistake
Think I want it back?
You can keep that hideous thing
I like my new vajay

Beyonce, you’re just a girl
You don’t understand (yeh you don’t understand)
How much guys would give to have
Some boobies all of their own
Just to play with every once in a while
Yeh you’ve taken them for granted
Oh they’re kind of annoying sometimes I know
But I love being a girl

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