MacGyver Reviews Products On eBay

Ken-Tool Tyre Wrench Set
$29.95

Wow, Ken-Tool really dropped the ball with this product.
They might as well accompany this tyre wrench with a warning label: “Attention! If you happen to be locked in the trunk of a Russian terrorists’ car with highly flammable gas leaking out of the fuel tank and a naked flame inching ever closer to the vehicle, do NOT use this product to try to wench the trunk open!!!”

I mean, this company expects our business, yet their products can’t handle a simple trunk-jimmy?

What, are we living in the dark ages, people?

2 stars.

Review by mac_daddy69

ACCO 100 pack Paper clips
$4.95

So, I was riding an armed nuclear missile that’s hurtling to earth like a supersonic bucking bronco, and long story short, the only way I could disarm this sucker was by using the end of a paper clip to poke the thingy next to the clock.

Done it a million times, never been a big issue…

So I get out my packet of ACCO Paper Clips, (which I never had a problem with before) stick the straightened out clip in, and what happens?

It breaks!

It breaks off in the freaking timing mechanism!

So I had to construct an electro-magnet out of a bolt, some copper wiring and a 9 volt battery just to get the end of the paper clip out of the circuit then fit a new (Officeworks brand) paper clip in to disarm the bomb and save an entire town.

No biggie. That’s fine. I’m not saying it’s ACCO’s fault that 10,000 people nearly died… just… no, screw it that’s exactly what I’m saying.

2.5 stars.

Review by mac_daddy69

Orbit White Sugar-free Gum
$1.50

I’m just gonna say, if you’re ever in a situation where you need to patch a leak in a large canister containing a particularly virulent strain of the ebola virus, you better not be chewing Orbit White Sugarfree Gum.

2 stars.

Review by mac_daddy69

Triple Strike Weed Killer
$22


Triple Strike weed killer is fine…

…if you want to see the lamest explosion of ALL TIME.

Seriously, this thing barely left a hideous scar on Murdoc’s face at all! I could have farted more firepower into him to be honest, and don’t worry, I’ve already written an angrily-worded letter to the people at Triple Strike.

If you want to create a REAL explosion, you’re best off sticking with Gordon’s Trimec weed killer.
if it’s good enough for Afghan terrorists, it’s damn well good enough for MacGyver! (me)

1 star.

Review by mac_daddy69

Victorinox Swiss Army Knife
$32.99

Anyway, in my line of work I use Swiss Army Knives a lot.
Like, it’s kinda my thing.
If I don’t have a reliable Swiss Army Knife, I’m pretty much F to the UCKED.

I like this model Swiss Army Knife very much. It’s sturdy, reliable, and fits snugly in my anus in case terrorists are frisking me and I need to hide it somewhere.

However…

Note to manufacturer, Victorinox: Have you thought about adding a duct tape dispenser to the knife’s already amazing repetoir?
It’s just that, it’d save me a hell of a lot of time.
I mean, it would save me a lot of trouble right now anyway…
I’m tied up in a dungeon and am typing this review on a computer I created out of an elastic band and an old sardine tin.

4.5 stars.

Review by mac_daddy69


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