Not So Suitable Names For Your Unborn Child

Right now it’s a fairly safe bet that somewhere out there a pregnant woman exists…

Right now she is sitting in front of the TV with a baby name book… possibly a bottle of wine… possibly while smoking some skunk… possibly while also injecting heroin in her toe-webs… thinking about names for the slippery little sucker gestating inside of her.

It’s hard to believe that it’s at this point that so many parents-to-be go so horribly wrong.

I would have thought giving your baby a good, sensible, not-embarassing name would be one of the easiest things in the world. You slap a Josh or a Kate or a Malibu M’fu-fu Moon Unit on it, and it practically raises itself dontcha know.

Anyway, instead of going through a whole book of good names, I thought I’d make it easier for “future walking-trustfunds” (Hopelessly dependent on my parents ftw!!!) to check out a whole lot of shitty names instead!

10 Practically Defunct Boys Names…
(It only takes one utterly insane fucktard to ruin a name)

Adolf
Saddam
Xenu
Attila
Osama
Ayatollah
Fidel
Sodom
Gaylord
Judas

10 Geekish Boys Names…
(Most nerds would consider at least one of these awful names)

Frodo
Boba Fett
Zorro
Captain Kirk
Griffindor
Masterchief
Paladin
Worf
Yoda
Wolverine

10 Names You’d Give to a Boy You Knew Was Going to be Retarded…
(And if they aren’t then they’ll just seem like more of a dipshit when they’re a forty-two year old, perpetually single bank manager named Rudy)

Timmy
Jeffy
Hamish
Christopher
Petey
Junior
Sam
Freddie
Benji
Mongo

10 Names That Sound Normal But You Can Spell Like This Just to Piss Off Your Daughter When She Realizes Everyone Resents Her For Her Shitty Name And Not You

J’ill
Sairahh
Soozin
Debbee
Helloun
Lorrhinne
Oleezabith
Maihhriee-Jaaiyne
Fallisseeteeye
Hermoine

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2 Comments

Filed under Humour

2 responses to “Not So Suitable Names For Your Unborn Child

  1. I agree and lol at them all except for Hamish. Or maybe Hamish Blake’s cuteness is the exception rather than the rule.

  2. Jimmy

    Yeh I thought about that, but really… Hamish?
    It’s such a little kid/special person name. I haven’t yet met a middle-aged man named Hamish. Just like I’ve never met a baby named Greg.
    I suspect all the Grahams and Brians of this world were once named Hamish or Junior.

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